


roots

by TullyBleus



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Female Hange Zoë, I Tried, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Levi x hange - Freeform, levihan - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-15
Updated: 2021-03-15
Packaged: 2021-03-23 17:47:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30059205
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TullyBleus/pseuds/TullyBleus
Summary: "In a funny twist of the Fates, their lives had intertwined, that with the likes of the roots of a tree: curling around one another, furling and growing with each other until it's almost indistinguishable where one started and the other ended."
Relationships: Levi Ackerman/Hange Zoë
Comments: 6
Kudos: 52





	1. Love

**Author's Note:**

> "But it is human, is it not, to long for that from which we are barred?"
> 
> \- Kate Morton, The Secret Keeper

Love and grief; pleasure and pain. Elation and melancholy; happiness and sadness. Exhilaration and dread; passion and anger. More often than not, they coincide with each other, hand-in-hand when it comes to feelings. One moment, you're feeling one emotion and then, the next, you get hit with another one.

They were as opposite as the sun and the moon, one runs hot and the other runs cold. But, somehow, they met in the most inconvenient of setting; where every hour felt like a lifetime when they're past the safety of the walls – fighting for humanity, fighting for their fellow soldiers, fighting for _themselves_ – and the next minute they're watching their comrade being eaten by a monster, watching in frozen helplessness as they get devoured, their blood making a river of red down the Titan's chin.

But, at the same time, they met when the hands of the clocks seemed to run faster, when they had to race with time just to feel warm hands of bare skin. Where insecurities and uncertainties loomed over both of their heads, when the need for the touch of a _living_ human had become unbearable, when seven hours together behind closed doors seemed to be never enough. They met, they collided, and they _felt_.

In a funny twist of the Fates, their lives had intertwined, that with the likes of the roots of a tree: curling around one another, furling and growing with each other until it's almost indistinguishable where one started and the other ended.

* * *

Levi had just lost two of the closest persons in his life and every little thing around him is irritating. From that bushy browed Squad Leader, to the loud bickering of the new recruits, to the littlest speck of dirt that he saw on his bunk. It's a feeble attempt, he knew, to distract himself of the fact that, even though he's in a castle filled with soldiers with the constant bustling all around him, he's now alone.

He kept mostly to himself, drawing himself away from the crowd, sitting by himself in the Mess Hell and glaring at anyone who dared to even cross his line of sight. The soldiers left him alone most of the time, sensing that their friendly tries to strike off a conversation was not very welcome. There is one soldier, though, who had, according to him, thrown caution to wind and sat across from him in the Mess Hall, on the third night since he got back from his first expedition.

The bespectacled woman settled across from him with a bright grin, cautiously eyeing the untouched stew in front of him and pointedly ignored the dark glare that Levi was directing at her. From the first time that he met this _absolute_ mess of a person, he told himself to stay the fuck away from her. Everything about her screamed _loud:_ from her messy ponytail, to her blaring voice, to the erratic way that she handles herself on the battlefield. He surmised that she is not the one that he will trust with his life once he went past the walls again.

She opened her mouth to say something and Levi abruptly stood up, making his way to the quarters that he shared with the other soldiers and laid on the bed, deciding on a whim that he's going to turn in early for the night.

(He didn't sleep well, as always, but who cares? Who's counting?)

* * *

She tried again, and again. It almost seemed to be a routine for her to annoy the living shit out of him. She would occupy the seat across from him with that wide, bright grin, heedless of the warning glances that the other soldiers were shooting her way, regardless of the fact that, if looks could kill, she'd be dead by now, judging by the intensity of his glare. When that didn't work, he would simply leave, stomping his way to his quarters and slamming the door of the room with so much force that the door almost fell from the hinges.

But he'd be lying to himself if he said that he's not curious about that scientist's interest in him. It was quite known for the soldiers that he's a common and known thug from the underground and, apparently, that's synonymous to the phrase 'get the fuck away'. This brunette, though, was different. She approached them without reservations – these filthy, underground thugs – gave Isabel sweets, tried to befriend Farlan and praised Levi for his exemplary skills with the ODM gear.

Levi's both suspicious and confused about that eccentric person's behavior. She didn't flinch under his glare, would keep on sitting across from him and trying to get him to converse with her – which she never got the chance because he would abruptly leave once she opened that goddamned mouth of hers.

In the short amount of time that he stayed, he noticed that this person was all over the place: jumping from one group to the other and telling them nonsensical shit about the titans, the thing that they know about them and what she wants to know and Levi doesn't want any part of that. But it does pique his own interest towards that bespectacled woman.

* * *

On the seventh time that she sat across from him, Levi's curiosity finally got the better of him and he opened his mouth.

"What the fuck do you want?" he demanded almost gruffly.

She paused, obviously startled that _he's_ the one initiating a conversation, before her grin widened, something akin to relief evident in her eyes.

"Oh, so you do speak!" she replied, her eyes glowing cheerfully that she finally coaxed a response out of him, "I was getting worried about _that_ for a second!"

His glare darkened, growing more and more irritated that she's not squirming under his glower.

"So," she began, tearing a chunk of bread, "How are you doing?"

His jaw clenched and Levi resisted the urge to give her an incredulous look, keeping his glare on her as she took a bite of her food. She kept her gaze on him, brown eyes inquisitive.

"I asked a question first," he said through gritted teeth.

"Hm?" she hummed, her head tilted slightly to the side, "What? Oh! You asked what I want?"

He kept his mouth resolutely shut.

She swallowed the last of her bread and cleared her throat, "Well, I still want to know how you were able to use ODM gear so flawlessly without proper training! I also want to know more about the Titans and how we can eliminate them without risking the lives of our soldiers and – "

Levi's face darkened further at each word that spewed out of her mouth, his lips curling into a harsh scowl and a deep furrowing of his forehead further indicated his annoyance, an aggravation that wasn't noticed by the brunette, who continued to run her mouth. He slammed his palms on the wooden table, abruptly stood up and accidentally knocked the chair over from his sudden movement. She flinched visibly as the utensils and the trays rattled noisily and Levi couldn't stop the shot of satisfaction that ran through him.

The scientist ceased from her babbling, gaping at his looming form with wide, shocked eyes. Levi was vaguely aware that silence had fallen over the mess hall and can feel the cautious eyes of their fellow soldiers, as if they're waiting for him to just snap. He dug his fingers deeper on the wood, feeling the splinters burying painfully in his knuckles but he heed it no mind, pointedly ignoring the stares that seemed to burn holes on his entire being. He glared at the still speechless brunette.

"What the fuck do you want _from me_?" he demanded in a low voice, tone cold and dangerous.

She was silent for a few seconds, probably still in a state of shock, and he almost growled at her when she finally mumbled a response.

"I… I thought it would be good to keep you company," she replied, eyes still wide.

He clenched his jaw, knuckles deepening further onto the wood. He didn't whether to laugh bitterly at her answer, because _company_ is the last thing he fucking wanted right now, or to simply leave this conversation – _situation_ – before he did something that could get him kicked out of the military (like hitting a mad scientist with his tankard).

He ultimately chose to walk away, stepping over the fallen chair with a scoff, ignoring the calls of a certain brunette. He made a move to slam the door shut when a booted foot intercepted between the door and the jamb. A cry of pain sounded from the other side and Levi growled in frustration. He had to deal with this person's incessant ramblings, now he had to deal with _this_ in his room? He tried to push the door closed when her hands took hold of the wood, pushing back against him.

"Look," her words were strained and breathless, as if she's using all her strength to push the door wider, "I'm so sorry, okay? I've been insensitive, I know, but can we _please_ talk without this door between us?"

"And why would I do that?" he retorted easily, "So I could listen to babble nonsense again?"

"So I can apologize to you properly!" she argued, still pushing with all her might. It's not Levi's problem anymore if her fingers get crushed on the door jamb – which was what would've happened if he didn't finally ease his hold. He quickly stepped to the side and the brunette squeaked in surprise when she stumbled in, landing on her face rather ungracefully.

"Thanks," she mumbled sarcastically.

Levi crossed his arms indignantly, suppressing his smirk as she stood up and started to dust herself off, rubbing the bridge of her nose where reddening welt was. He opened his mouth to retort when she beat her to it.

"Look, I'm really sorry," she spoke, her voice ringing with sincerity, "I really am. I should've known better than to pester you like that and gave you space. I just… I thought you'd want someone to help you adjust in military life, y'know?"

He kept silent, still glaring at this person with messy hair and shitty looking glasses.

"I know we got off on the wrong foot," she continued, taking a step closer to him with a large grin, "Let me introduce myself again. I'm Hange Zoë! I'm a Titan Scientist of the Survey Corps tasked with finding out more information about the Titans! Let's be friends!"

She held her hand out. Levi stared cautiously at her hand, trying to process the words that came out of her mouth. _Friends_? He never had that before, except for Isabel and Farlan. Why would she want to be friends with him? He's a nobody in this military, someone without proper training, someone crass with everyone and they looked at him with a hint of fear in their eyes every time he caught them staring at him. The entire corps knew where he came from, what he did to survive while he was Underground. But this person was looking at him without fear, without apprehension, that most, if not all, of the soldiers had. Instead, she regarded him with friendliness, her brown eyes warm and welcoming.

But habit is something that's not easy to break and his trust had been broken for far too many times for him to simply let this person in.

He clenched his fists and frowned at her, "You want something from me, don't you?"

Her smile shrunk a little and her eyebrows furrowed in confusion, "Uh… what?"

"What do you want from me?" he repeated, making no attempts to elaborate his question as his irritation flared up again.

She lowered her hand, her frown deepening, "Uh… not really?"

"Come on," he snapped, looking at her in disbelief, "I know you fucking want something from me. Do you want me to do something? Because – I'm telling you – I'm not gonna do it just for this shit you call _friendship_."

Her expression turned from confused, to realization, to sorrow. Levi scoffed lightly again and moved to open the door, certain that she had been deterred from… whatever it is that's driving her to disturb his peace. He joined the corps to be able to go above ground and, now that he's here, he'll make sure that he _stayed_ here.

"Wait, please," she piped up again. He sighed in exasperation and turned to face her once more, only to be surprised at what he saw. There's still sadness lingering in her eyes but the determination etched on her face was enough for Levi to bite back a barb and halt his movements.

"I'm sorry. I really am," she spoke softly, voice almost down to a whisper, unlike all the other times that she opened that damned mouth of hers.

 _What for?_ He wanted to ask but it seemed that his tongue was tied to knots; for some reason, he can't get the two words out of his throat as he stared at the resolve in her eyes as she continued, raising her arms slightly in a welcoming gesture with a small, serene smile stretching her lips.

"And I don't want anything from you. Nothing, and it's the truth. I do really want to be your friend. Sure, maybe I'd need your help about something in the future but being friends doesn't always mean you have to do stuff for them. Friends are there to cheer you up or to share tea with or to celebrate a birthday with or – or so many other things that you do with a person you'd trust your life with," she explained patiently, "I don't want anything from you, I swear. So can we try again? I'm Hange Zoë and I want to be your friend!" she finished, holding her hand out again with a grin.

Levi was rendered speechless. He had never been an eloquent person but, under normal circumstances, he could've told her to shut the hell up and leave him alone. But the sincerity and kindness that rang in her words was palpable, was something that he was accustomed to and a warm feeling started to spread from his chest, running through his entire being.

She wiggled her fingers impatiently and he frowned.

"I am not shaking that filthy hand of yours, four-eyes."

She laughed and Levi had to bite the inside of his cheek to suppress his own smile.

* * *

The incessant knocking on his door made Levi sigh and set the cleaning brush down on the floor by his bed. Winter had set in and, with the freezing temperature along with the thick, white snow that covered every single inch of land that their sight can reach, expeditions beyond the walls had been postponed indefinitely and that left him with nothing else to do except his favorite hobby.

He opened the door and found Hange on the other side, all bundled up in an appropriate winter attire, a mischievous grin stretching her lips, an almost wild glint on her eyes and Levi's immediately on guard. He's quite familiar with that expression of hers and that would mean she's brewing something up in that big brain of hers.

"What do you want?" he asked, almost wary of her presence. Since there's no upcoming expeditions in the near future, Commander Shadis had allowed the soldiers to go back to their families for the winter season and that included Erwin and that ever-loyal assistant of hers. As far as he knows, the only ones left in the headquarters either don't want to go back to their homes or had no family to go back to. For him, it was the latter. For her? He had no idea.

"What? No, Levi, nothing, I swear!" she replied too innocently.

He rolled his eyes, "What is it, shitty glasses?" he sighed, and almost immediately regretted his decision when her grin widened even further until her grin looked manic.

* * *

"Fucking hell, four-eyes, where in the fuck are we going?" he huffed as he pulled his coat tighter around him, glaring at her back as she walked in front of him.

"You'll love it, Levi, I swear!" she called over her shoulder, flashing her signature grin.

"Damn it, I should've said no to this," he groused, rubbing his arms through the thick fabric, "I can't even feel my fucking face anymore!"

She laughed, "If it's any consolation, I can't feel my face anymore too! Come on, Levi! Just a little bit more, I promise!"

He bit back his retort and clicked his tongue instead. Perhaps it's the boredom that drove him to agree with Hange's invitation to go somewhere or maybe because he wanted to indulge himself for this day but, whatever the reason was, he's beginning to think that this might not be a good idea.

He's never seen snow before and the first time he saw the land covered in white truly fascinated him. But he learned soon enough that _cold_ and _Levi_ doesn't go along well, and that he had to have at least three layers on before he could venture outside – which he rarely did, these days – where every breath felt like inhaling the very ice itself. He sighed, his breath coming out as a cloud and he clenched his gloved fists, calling out to Hange.

"Where the fuck are we going?!" he asked for the nth time when she suddenly squealed, staring up at the hill before them. Before he could ask any further, she started to run up, kicking behind powders of snow and leaving him behind. He huffed again, this time in exasperation, and climbed after her at his normal pace.

She turned back to face him the moment she reached the top and waved her arms enthusiastically, "Come on, Levi! Hurry!"

He scowled but opted not to answer just yet. He'd give her a piece of his mind once he reached her, that's for sure. She turned her back on him again and removed her scarf, pulling the small satchel that she brought with her over her shoulder and settled her things on the tree a few feet away from where she stood.

"Are you fucking crazy?" he asked incredulously the moment he reached her, "Did the cold turn your brain into shit? It's fucking freezing out here, why did you remove your scarf?!"

Her expression remained gleeful, her eyes shining glinting with joy as she pointed her arm forward, "Levi, look!"

His scowl deepened, "Put your shitty scarf back on!"

Hange rolled her eyes and, with a sigh, she took hold of his upper arms. He was about to berate her for grabbing him out of nowhere when she turned his body to face the horizon, his rebuke dying on his lips and his breath catching at the sight before him.

The sun had dipped a little, peaking over the walls and indicating its setting. The sun's rays made the land glow with orange and pink hues, the shadow of the surrounding trees created a dark contrast over the white land. A small gust of wind blew over their faces and it felt like paper cuts on his cheeks but he paid it no mind, watching as the leaves from the nearest tree danced with the breeze and a little bit of snow fell from them.

It was breathtaking. It was mesmerizing. It was…

"It's beautiful, isn't it?" she broke the silence between them but her voice was so uncharacteristically soft that he almost didn't hear her.

"Yeah... it is," he replied in awe, eyes still trained on the panoramic view right before him.

She chuckled, "I'm so glad that you liked it, Levi."

She removed her hands from his arms and he involuntarily frowned, keenly aware of the cold that started to seep in through his clothes again but he shrugged it off and kept his eyes forward.

Until something cold hit the side of his face.

Levi flinched and quickly swiped of the snow that stuck itself on his face, numbing his skin further. He turned and glared at the brunette, who was standing off to the side with a snowball on each hand with a playful grin on her face.

"You're so dead, you shitty glasses," he threatened and crouched, scooping a handful of snow and quickly forming it into a ball. Hange squealed and began to run away from him. He took a careful aim and, with a small grunt, threw the snowball forcefully towards the back of her knee. It hit the target and the bespectacled let out a surprised ' _Oof_!' before falling on her face in the snow and he almost chuckled in amusement.

Hange sat up, her face still dusted with white, "Oh, you just declared war, you midget," she cried, hands already moving to form her 'ammunitions'.

A snowball war ensued at the top of the hill, with them running around and trying to hit the other with snow. Her squealing laughter, playful taunts along with his lighthearted retorts and the blowing of the wind being the only noise around them.

Perhaps it's the snow or maybe it's the setting sun or he's probably just high from adrenaline because of their little game but he started to notice the things about Hange that he didn't pay much attention to before. The way the sun hits her eyes and, suddenly, they're the brownest, most hypnotizing pools he had ever seen. Or the way that the snow clung beautifully on her hair. Or that her movements were rather graceful when she's determined to win. Or the way that her smile had put the sun to shame with its brightness.

"I quit!" she cried as fell on her ass near her things, her arms raised above her head in surrender as she tried to catch her breath. He stepped closer to her, a snowball still tightly clenched on his hand.

"I don't think so, four-eyes," he smirked a little, ignoring her cries of ' _no!_ ', "You started this fucking war, Hange."

"And I yield!" she laughed, her arms still raised.

"Tch," he clicked his tongue and threw the snowball at the top of her head. Her raucous laughter rang across the hill and he stared down at her with amusement.

"That was fun," she commented as she got her giggling under control.

"Glad you enjoyed it," he replied flatly.

"Like you didn't?!"

"Yeah, I truly enjoyed being pelted with snow. Now, my clothes are fucking soggy," he retorted sarcastically.

"Please! I caught you smiling more than once!"

"That's because I hit your face more than once."

"You are a hard man to please," she sighed, defeated. Her eyes caught her satchel, though, and she brightened up once more, pulling the satchel on to her lap, "I almost forgot! Levi, close your eyes!"

He scowled, "Why?"

"Because!"

"Four eyes," he argued weakly, "Whatever the hell it is, just tell me."

"Humor me, Levi, please!" she pleaded, hands already inside her bag, "Just… just humor me! Come on!"

He sighed in exasperation and finally conceded, "If you ever make me touch anything weird from that satchel, shitty glasses, I swear to all the gods of the wall that I'll personally deliver you into a Titan's mouth."

"No touching anything, I promise! Well… unless you'd want to," she giggled.

He heard her rummage through her satchel. The wind had died down a bit when he heard a match being struck. Is she starting a fire? Are they going to stay here for long? The sound of crunching snow indicated that she had started to walk towards him and Levi opened his mouth to ask her what she's doing.

"Happy birthday, Levi!"

He opened his eyes in surprise. Hange stood before him and, on her hands, was a tiny, little cupcake with white frosting on top and a blue lighted candle buried in the middle.

He stared at the little cake in disbelief, "How did you – "

"Um," she sounded nervous and he looked back at her face. She looked sheepish but the grin remained, "Let's just say I 'accidentally' saw your file in Erwin's office."

He shifted his eyes back to the small cake, barely enough for the two of them, noticing that the frosting was missing from one side and a part of the pastry had been flattened. Still, the sight of it brought an inexplicable joy because _never_ in his life did he have a cake for his birthday.

"Do you… like it?" Hange asked, her voice tinged with uncertainty.

He brought his eyes towards hers, his chest swelling with the unfamiliar warmth that had blossomed there and he gave her a small smile.

"Yes, Hange. Thank you."

* * *

This weird relationship of theirs shouldn't have happened in the first place.

Levi had always been a guarded person, someone who doesn't easily trust anyone, but there's something about Hange Zoë that draws him in. And it's so fucking funny because they almost had nothing alike. He's more of a quiet type, someone who doesn't initiate any type of conversation unless asked to while she can fit into any group of people with ease. He's not comfortable with anyone touching him while she would take any chance she could get to give him a hug. He prefers solitude, but he doesn't mind her presence that much.

They became so comfortable with each other that Hange had told him, on more than one occasion, that he's "her person" – whatever the fuck that meant in Hange Zoë's vocabulary. But Levi knew in himself that she had become his person, too.

* * *

He doesn't know how long he'd been fighting, mindlessly slicing the napes of these monsters, almost feral with his movements. All he knows is that his arms and legs hurt so much but, still, more Titans are coming in from the breach of the wall when Erwin, who'd been chosen as the new Commander just a few hours prior, called for them to retreat. He killed the one in front of him quickly and shot his hook from one house after another, effectively dodging the Titans that came his way.

Levi tried to keep his focus on the Titan in front of him and nimbly cut off its fingers as it tried to reach up to him, clicking his tongue as specks of its blood landed on his cheek. He looked at his sides, then at the ground below, gritting his teeth anxiously at her absence. His mind reeled of the possibilities _and_ the impossibilities of her whereabouts and the thought of losing her, not seeing her smile or hear her laugh or see her deep brown eyes again made something inside of him clench painfully.

He knew he couldn't – _shouldn't_ – let his attention wander away from his situation, knowing full well that a single mistake on his part can be deadly but he can't help his eyes from roaming around, searching for that unruly brown hair that he had not caught sight of ever since the fighting began. His heart pounded inside his chest and his growing worry almost made him miss a step.

He growled and shook his head slightly to clear his thoughts. He can't lose his focus now; he's close to the wall and, perhaps, she already evacuated towards Wall Rose. Maybe waiting for him at the top of the wall because he can't allow himself to think that Hange's nowhere to be found, probably on injured somewhere below or inside a… inside a Titan's –

Mike pulled him up and, once his feet were secured, he asked, "Where's Hange?"

"She's in the medical tent," the blond replied and anxiety increased tenfold in Levi's chest, "She's – "

"Where?" he asked curtly because he had to know, right fucking now, what happened to her, why she's in that tent, if she was in danger. Mike stared at him, a second longer than necessary, before pointing towards the makeshift infirmary. Levi's heart pounded heavily in his chest, his ears ringing and he wasted no time as he ran towards the tent, ignoring Mike's calls and drew back the flap with a swipe of his arm because _he can't lose her, he can't lose his person, he can't lose Hange when… when -_

The small space was full to bursting with wounded and dying soldiers, their cries almost a gory cacophony that made his head pound but his attention was drawn towards the brunette who's limping to where he stood, her goggles missing and a splint wrapped around her left leg. He focused at her worried, brown eyes and it sounded so fucking cheesy for him because, suddenly, they're alone and she's the only one that he can see and the only sound that he can hear was her voice calling out his name. In that cramped space that reeked heavily of blood and death on top of the wall, where their safety's not yet even a guarantee when a fucking army of Titans were trying to climb the walls, Levi was relieved that this absolutely filthy mess of a person was standing in front of him.

"Levi! Are you hurt?!"

He inhaled sharply and raised his hands to rest on her shoulders. She stiffened slightly, apparently surprised at his actions. He's never one to initiate physical contact but the solidity of her beneath his palms, the warmth that emanated from her through her clothes was more than enough for Levi to be reassured that she is, in fact, safe and real and right in front of him. He let himself gaze at those deep brown eyes, telling himself that he _didn't lose her, she's right here and that she's alright._

He wanted to embrace her, to wrap his arms around her and to feel her beating heart against her own but he's becoming aware of their situation, the painful cries of the soldiers finally reaching his ears. Instead, he squeezed her shoulders slightly and he almost teared up at the relief that flooded his chest again.

"I'm glad you're alright, four eyes," he simply said and left the tent, leaving a confused looking brunette behind.

* * *

They finally made it back to their headquarters in the early hours of dawn. Levi sighed wearily as he dismounted his horse, trying to ignore the throbbing of his muscles as he trudged his way to his bedroom. He was on his way up when he saw Hange leaning heavily against the wall, struggling to catch her breath and sweating profusely.

"Hey, Levi," she greeted with a tired smile when she caught sight of him, a new pair of glasses over her eyes and resting all her weight on her uninjured leg, "I now know that it's so damn hard to hop on only one foot when going up the stairs."

Levi took in her appearance, sighed and, without a word, took her arm and slung it over his shoulder. He wrapped an arm around her waist for support and, together, they ascended the stairs slowly. He frowned at their proximity, her face so close to his and she was pressed tightly against his side and he felt something fluttering inside his stomach and the erratic beating of his heart.

"You fucking stink," he commented when they reached the first landing, his own awkward attempt for a conversation.

"Like you don't," she laughed.

"I know but I am planning to take a bath once I know that _you're_ going to take a bath."

She hummed, "Well, then maybe we should take a bath together so you can be sure that I'm clean."

He stopped in his tracks and whipped his head to face her in disbelief, his eyes wide, only to find her face so close to his, the tips of their noses almost touching. He can feel an unfamiliar heat creeping up his neck, warming his cheek and, soon, his whole face.

They stared at each other for a long while before the goddamned scientist threw her head back and laughed, her shoulders shaking with her fits. Levi scowled and tried to force down the blush that had made its way to his face.

"You," she gasped between her laughter, "You should've seen your face!"

His scowl deepened, "I'm going to push you down these stairs and no one will ever know," he threatened.

"Whatever, Levi," she retorted once she got her giggles under control and they started to walk up the stairs again, "For the record, though, I _am_ going to take a bath. I know I smell horrible anyway. I can take it from here, Levi!" she said once they reached the top.

"You sure?" he raised an eyebrow.

Her smile was reassuring as she nodded, "Yep! I just have to go to my room first to get my things and clothes."

He nodded approvingly, "Good. Good night, shitty glasses."

As Hange removed her arm from where it was perched around his shoulder, she leaned in closer and gave him a small peck on his lips. She pulled away quickly and gave him a grin, limping towards her room and leaving him behind, dumbfounded.

* * *

A week had passed and Levi was avoiding her at all costs – which was easy considering her injury. He was hiding in his room most of the time, either cleaning the already spotless space or just reading. If he ever had to go out, he'd check the corners first to make sure that he's not about to run into her. During meal times, he'd take his food up to his room so she doesn't sit at his table. He's new position as a Captain meant that he also had to attend meetings with the Commander and the other Leaders of the Survey Corps but he'd purposefully arrive late, so he's certain that he doesn't need to sit anywhere near her.

It's foolish and childish, he, himself, can admit to that but the little kiss that she gave him had stoked something inside of him, feelings that had long since buried but was getting hard to ignore as of late.

But handling of emotions had never been Levi's forte; in fact, he didn't have much experience with that kind of scenario and, now, has a hard time trying to put his feelings into the appropriate words. He had learned that, oftentimes, words are merely wind and emotions are nothing but hindrance.

And it seemed like Hange is the one who will change that because he can't remember the last time that someone had made him so fidgety yet comfortable at the same time. Someone who understands his crassness and can laugh at his rather dark humor. Someone who had kissed him so shortly but had also made his entire being tingle and light up, as if that little peck had caused every nerve in his body that he can't forget about it anytime of the day.

The small touching of their lips had made him confused, sitting up on his bed with a hundred unanswered questions but it also had him yearning for another kiss, maybe a longer one so he can actually memorize the contours of her lips?

He can't avoid her forever, he knew that. He just can't face her just yet but she, ever the impatient one, had other plans.

It's late but Levi was still sitting on his desk chair, staring out at the rain that pelted his window with a teacup in his hand. It was actually peaceful: the sound of rain against the glass, the soft, orange glow of the lamp on his desk, the hot tea that he was sipping. He should be turning in for the night when his peace was interrupted by the light knocks on his door.

He tensed. Only one other person could be awake at this time. It was further confirmed when he heard her voice.

"Levi?" she asked, voice low and almost timid, "I know you're awake. Can I come in?"

He cursed under his breath. He could fake being asleep, or perhaps he could just flat-out ignore her calls. For some reason, though, he found himself standing up, walking towards the door and turning the knob to finally face the last person that he wanted to see.

"What do you want?" he asked, ignoring the butterflies that had started to flutter inside his stomach at the sight of her deep brown eyes, her untied hair, her lips, _god, her lips…_

"I need to talk to you," she requested, "Can I come in?"

He crossed his arms, "We can talk right here," he suggested coolly because he can't have Hange inside his room right now. Not when he had spent almost a week thinking about kissing her lips properly, kissing every inch of her body, perhaps, daydreaming about the things he could –

"I won't be long, Levi, I swear," she exclaimed tiredly and pushed his door open, letting herself in and, ignoring his indignant protests, plopped herself on his bed.

Levi forced down the blush that had started to creep up his cheeks, praying that it's dark enough that she wouldn't be able to see the pink on the tips of his ears, "How's your leg?" he asked, trying to fill in the awkward silence.

Hange stretched her leg forward and Levi gulped nervously, "It's better," she answered, "Moblit's been helping me these days and forcing me to stay seated all the time."

He merely hummed in response and fought down the surge of jealousy that appeared unexpectedly in his chest. Of course, Moblit will help her; he's a very loyal assistant, after all.

"You've been avoiding me," she remarked, turning her head to look at him.

He, in turn, looked outside and scoffed, "What made you think of that? I'm not."

She sighed and stood up, "I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable with that kiss. You can tell me, don't worry, that you didn't like it. I mean… I've been out of practice but – "

"Why did you do it?" he interrupted her blabbering, finally looking at her. She opened the topic about it and he thought he's more than ready to question her, to ask her if he was just another experiment to her.

She blinked a few times before answering, "Isn't it obvious? I like you, Levi."

The fluttering of the butterflies in his stomach intensified and it almost felt like he's about to burst, accompanied by the thundering of his heart as hope began to rise inside him. He shouldn't feel this way. He shouldn't feel like a teenage boy, fidgeting in front of the person he likes as a thousand butterflies run wild inside his stomach. He should not want to hold her close, to kiss her, to lavish her with attention. He should not feel this way because emotions are hindrances to their mission and are mere distractions from what they have to do.

He should not feel this way but _goddamnit_ , he wants this so bad

"I don't see you kissing anybody else in this castle," he said sarcastically instead, but he felt nervous and its fucking ridiculous because he faced Titans on the battlefield without batting an eye and he's not supposed to feel this way in front of this mad scientist.

She actually chuckled, "That's because I don't like anyone else the same way that I like you, you dumbass midget. It's true, I do like most people but you, Levi, you're the one that I like-like, y'know? And I want to hug you, to kiss you, to - "

He interrupted her again with a kiss, his hand going to the back of her head and the other wrapping around her waist. Her yelp of surprise was muffled by their lips but she soon melted into it, her own arms wounding its way around his neck and Levi had never felt so alive as he kissed her, as he felt her reciprocate, as she started to move back towards his bed.

* * *

It started as a late night tryst, something to relieve their stress and release their frustrations. As a soldier fighting humanoid giants on a regular basis, such a thing is a desire for almost every single member of the corps. Intimate touch of another human being is a blessing. The burning warmth of bodies pressing against each other is a luxury.

It became a regular thing for them to seek out each other's warmth and company when the loneliness and frustration loomed over both of their heads. An exchange of gazes with smoldering passion, the subtle brushing of fingers filled with unspoken promises of something more, sneaking kisses in darkened hallways with no one on sight, late night excursions in one another's room in each other's arms, only to leave once the morning comes.

It was thrilling, it was exciting, it was livening; it almost felt sinful for the both of them but they don't know how to control the urge.

Levi almost felt addicted to the feel of her against his body, of her breaths ghosting over his skin, of her quiet voice against his ear, of the way his sleep improved and seemed to be more satisfying when she slept beside him with her warmth surrounding him and making him feel almost cozy and lazy in the dark hours of dawn.

He's not exactly sure when it stopped being 'having sex' to 'making love'.

* * *

Being an underground runt that he was, he'd been used to answering questions in a monochromatic manner. Black or white? Yes or no? To fight or to flee? To steal or to starve? A threat or a friend? One or the other, there's always only two options for him that he, inevitably, had to choose from. It's how he lived, how he perceived the situation and the people around him for so many years. Well, until he met the likes of Hange Zoë.

She's still annoying as ever, the same eccentric and lively scientist that she has always been but Levi had been an eyewitness to the splash of color that she was, the hundred prismatic facets that she possessed which she only showed to him – and only him – in the safety of her room. Hange confided to him her deepest worries, her biggest fears, the insecurities that plagues her always-running mind. Hange showed him her most vulnerable side, told him about her childhood, about how much she missed her family in Sina, about the nightmares that terrorize her almost every night. He had seen her at her angriest state, when she nearly thrashed her room in an unbridled rage and grief brought on by the significant loss in her squad. He had seen the way she would curl her frame into a tight ball on her bed when the bodies were piled up high in the wagon and the faces were barely recognizable.

Levi knew the story of every scar that decorated her skin, had pressed butterfly kisses over each and every one of them because words are wind and he can _never_ – for the life of him – find the appropriate words to bring her comfort, to reassure her that everything will be alright as long as _she's_ alright because, _fucking hell_ , her mind is something that nobody can even begin to explain. Instead, he would wrap his arms around her, tucking her face on the crook of his neck and running his fingers gently through her wild tresses, the quiet whisper of her name exhaled to her hairline. He can't properly articulate his thoughts into something that resembled 'soothing', mixed with a heavy amount of curses but words aren't important when Hange heaved a sigh that tickled the skin beneath his ear and wrapped her arms around his torso.

Levi whispered her name again, reverently, tenderly – _Hange, Hange_ – pressed a lingering kiss on her forehead, another one on the tip of her nose and wrapped his arms around her form more securely. He should've said something else, some other thousand things that he wanted to say to her, to let her know of his devotion but the words got stuck, shrinking back to the very back of his mind when Hange's hold on him tightened marginally and she pressed her face closer against his neck, her steady breaths blowing and raising goosebumps along his skin. The edges of his lips curled slightly upwards because, _of course she understood. Hange always fucking understands._

* * *

_Oh, all my nights tastes like gold_

_Yeah, when I'm with you_

_It's like everything glows._


	2. Grief

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Memories, even your most precious ones, fade surprisingly quickly."
> 
> \- Kazuo Ishiguro, Never Let Me Go

Hange blinked her eyes open. She's on her back, staring up at the canopy of trees, her face warm from the sunlight that seeped through the leaves. Her eyebrows scrunched in confusion. Where is she? What is this place? What is she doing here?

She slowly stood up, dusting off her cloak and pants, and looked all around her, taking in the trees that surrounded her. What happened to her? She can't remember anything clearly except for the blazing heat, her own burning determination to stop _something,_ and the crestfallen expression of someone that she once knew very well, someone that she felt she once cared for deeply.

She looked down at herself, frowning at the soot that stained her shirt and made a feeble attempt to dust herself. She sighed when she saw that it was useless. Her eye then roamed around once more, scowl deepening at all the green that her sight could see. What is she doing here? What is this place? _Why_ can't she remember anything else, aside from that broken man's expression and name? She took a deep, trying to calm her still frayed nerves, and started to walk around.

There's a sense of familiarity in this place, like she had been here before, but Hange can't recognize any part of the trail that she was walking through. She kept on walking aimlessly, her eye observing her surroundings and trying to jog her memory. The sound of running water perked her up and she ran, trying to get to the source and making a few wrong turns here and there.

It was a running river that she found, its sound filling in the stillness of the forest. Its swirling pools and the forward surges made by its raging waters had Hange mesmerized. But, at the same time, it created an inexplicable amount of anxiety within her that she can't shake off, as if she's worried that someone was chasing her. Paranoid, she looked around her, doing a full 360 and trying to see through the gaps made by the trees, convinced that someone was out there to get her. She sighed shakily and stepped away from the river, her eye roaming around any possible hiding spot as she made her way back to the place where she came from.

* * *

She doesn't know how or why she fell asleep, when she's in very much danger from the unknown elements of this place but she did, her back leaning against a wide tree and her cloak wrapped around her. Her eyebrows furrowed as she remembered some parts of her dream: of the peacefulness of a sea, of the determination that ran through her, of the heat licking her back. The last one had disturbed her and she reached behind her to make sure that she was alright. She sighed, leaning back against the tree once more as she looked up at the sunlight and tried to remember anything more about her dream.

She recalled other people, but their faces were too hazy and her head started to throb as she tried her hardest to remember them. The man, too, appeared in her dream and he was the only one that she could remember clearly but his expression was so heartbroken, so dejected that it saddens her too. Why did he look like that? Where are these people? Hange sighed and stood up, knowing that sitting around and pondering like that won't give her the answers that she needed.

* * *

Her sleep had proven more help than her walks. From her dreams she saw snippets of what must be her memories, a mix of imagery that left her groggy in the morning. It still left her confused as to how and why she ended up at this place with no recollection of who she was or what happened to her to be left behind at this place. She remembered a professional looking blond, a tall man with the habit of sniffing, a blonde with contagious smiles, a loyal person's gentle admonishments. Hange remembered a bunch of valiant teenagers as they fought off gigantic humanoids, of their bravery that became legendary.

Who Hange saw most, however, is the man with black hair and a pair of dark eyes.

His recurrence in her dreams brought her comfort most of the time. Hange would see a small, fleeting smile, an affectionate stare from him. She would sometimes see him in her dreams with a pleased blush across his cheeks as he kissed her and held her close to his body. Other times he'd be cracking a joke that Hange would still be laughing at when she woke up.

His appearances brought her comfort and she would wake up with a warm feeling inside her chest. At the same time though, it caused her to yearn for this man's presence. It seemed that they were close, if Hange can say so, and she wants someone to talk to, to clarify the things that she's been mulling about ever since she woke up with a major memory loss at this forest. She wants to see him, to know if he left her there, if they fought, if she had done something wrong.

Where are they? Because she doesn't think she can bear this loneliness anymore.

* * *

She lost count of how long she had stayed in this place. Was it weeks? Months? Years? She's not even certain anymore. Hange continued to walk around, to try and get away from this place, but it's as if this is the only place that her mind can conjure, the only place that she knew. It felt like she's searching for something, someone with the name that kept on going on loop inside her mind but she can't find him, so she kept on going back to this place, the only place that she can think of, thinking that maybe, just maybe, he'd come here. She never saw anyone, or anything, at that matter. She's all alone in that forest.

She came back to the spot where she first started, the place where she woke up, and was astonished to see someone sitting against the tree, his visible eye looking forward but his gaze was spaced out, as if he was deep in thought. But the mere sight of him had Hange running, sprinting as fast as she can and almost tripping over her own feet in haste. Her heart pounded inside her chest, excitement running through her veins and a grin made its way to her lips because all she could think about was _it's him, it's him, the man that I see in my dreams._

She stood a few feet in front of him, panting from the run but the smile remained even though it appeared that he hadn't noticed her presence yet. Hange was surprised to see the gray hairs that stuck out from his head, the deep running wrinkles around his eye, the cane that he had set down beside him but she heed it no mind as called out his name.

He cocked his head slightly to the side, as if he was startled by something, before staring off to space again. She frowned, her eyebrows furrowing, and called out to him, even louder. There was no reaction this time.

With shaky knees, she walked closer to him, growing more and more agitated when it became obvious that he's not really aware of her presence. She started to breathe heavily, the pounding inside her chest now a thunderous beat as she fell on her knees in front of him. Still, he looked forward, his eyes trained at somewhere that she couldn't be bothered to look at because it almost seemed like he's staring right _through_ her.

She choked out his name, her throat tightening around a sob and she raised her hand, fingers visibly trembling, to touch the scar that ran down his face, only for her hand to pass through him. Confused, she tried again, growing more and more horrified at each failed attempt. The tears that she held back started to fall freely down her cheeks as the painful reality crashed down onto her chest like a ton of bricks. She tried to touch him, to yell his name at his face, to slap him but her efforts were futile as he remained staring at the ground right in front of him, right where she sat.

Hange fell forward, catching herself with her hands and she cried, the dam that had been building up inside her chest cracking and finally breaking. She sobbed and cried his name, her tears dotting the hard ground and her screams echoing all throughout the forest but Levi didn't even flinch because he can't see her, can't hear her, can't feel her.

* * *

.

Love and grief; pleasure and pain. Elation and melancholy; happiness and sadness. Exhilaration and dread. More often than not, they go side by side, hand-in-hand when it comes to feelings. One moment, you're feeling one emotion and then, the next, you get hit with another one.

In a _cruel_ twist of the Fates, their lives had intertwined, that with the likes of the roots of a tree: curling around one another, furling and growing with each other until it's almost indistinguishable where one started and the other ended.

Well, _almost_.

* * *

_Sometimes, I try so hard to fight_

_When all I want to do is fall_

_Into the night_

_Into your arms, surrender._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surrender by Birdy

**Author's Note:**

> Waking up slow, by Gabriella Aplin


End file.
